


even in another time

by arrangements_of_shadows



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, M/M, Neil Perry (Dead Poets Society) Lives, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Sexism, Post-Canon Fix-It, basically senior year is junior year but better and with lesbians and neil doesn't die, everyone's families suck, kind of angsty??, self-discovery arcs, senior year!, they're gay, typical girls at welton fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29334396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrangements_of_shadows/pseuds/arrangements_of_shadows
Summary: All the boys and their parents had turned to look at her, as though they'd never seen a girl before.She did not blink. She did not breathe. She stared straight ahead.I am making a difference, Audrey thought. It's 1960. I am changing the world.---When Audrey Douglas and Catherine Reyes begin attending Welton, they face incredible obstacles because of their gender. A group of mysterious boys might be able to help them. But nothing is the same as it once was...This year will change the course of their lives forever, for better or for worse.---another "first girls at welton" trope... i promise the actual fic is better than the summary
Relationships: Charlie Dalton/Knox Overstreet, Chris Noel/Knox Overstreet, Ginny Danbury/Chris Noel, Original Female Character/Original Female Character, Steven Meeks & Gerard Pitts, Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 13
Kudos: 15





	even in another time

**Author's Note:**

> hi! 
> 
> this is my first fic for this fandom... if you like it, my tumblr is @dead-gays-society
> 
> as i was about to upload this i saw that someone else had just posted another girls at welton fic.... i already had this written, though, so i thought i would just go ahead and post it. sorry if that causes any confusion!!
> 
> this chapter is a bit incoherent, i promise it will get better as the story progresses!
> 
> also shoutout to @wordshakers and @imjustgayandsadtbh for listening to me rant about this fic at one in the morning several nights in a row :)
> 
> (the title is from a poem by sappho because i'm just predictable like that)
> 
> anyway, enjoy!! if you have any comments i would love to hear them.
> 
> <3 aura

September in Vermont was beautiful in an infuriating way. The crimson and yellow of the trees juxtaposed against the soft golden of the fields and the crisp blue sky looked like a watercolor painting. The air tasted of early frost, wood smoke, and possibilities. It felt like anything could happen. Although at this particular moment, Audrey Douglas felt trapped inside the shell of the girl everyone expected her to be.

She was seventeen years old, nearly eighteen. Nearly grown; old enough to get married and have a family of her own, like her mother and grandmother before her. That was the expectation; what society wanted her to do. It was 1960. Other options were scarce. Yet her father had let her dream of a different future. Unintentionally, it seemed.

Mr. Douglas was a traditional man. The country was built upon the dreams of people like him. He didn't know his privilege, how much responsibility he held over the lives of the less fortunate. An old-money businessman from a family of businessmen, he had grown up knowing only luxury. He had seen the evils of reality from only an outsider's point of view.

So how could he have been so cruel as to let his only daughter think she had a chance in the real world?

Audrey sat, silently livid with rage, in the backseat of the black car. She knew it was ridiculous, told herself to look at things logically. Yet how could she ignore the irony of it all, sitting here like a doll in her brand-new school uniform?

It could have been symbolic. It could have been a move to assert his power over the faculty and alumni of Welton. It could have been that he hadn't even taken her into consideration. All Audrey could think about was what a waste it was.

Welton Academy was the most prestigious school in the state of Vermont. Maybe on the East Coast. Maybe in the whole country- that was an accepted fact. It was elite, exclusive, conservative. Over a hundred years old. The best of the best were allowed to attend; bask in the glory of the school, the beautiful, oblivious prestige granted to only the sons of rich men. Only the sons. Until now.

It was the best education possible. It was knowledge and power and truth. It was everything Audrey had wanted, everything she had dreamed of. And it would be hers, if only for a year.

But achieving your heart's greatest desire while knowing you'll only grasp it for a moment is worse than never achieving anything at all.

Mr. Douglas was of legacy status at Welton; everyone knew the legendary Douglas family. Audrey's great-great-great grandfather had seen the school open its doors for the first time in 1859. Her father was in with the headmaster. On the board of trustees. So when Audrey had been a girl and not a boy, it had devastated him.

But if William Douglas wanted something from the school, he could find a way to get it.

That's why he had been gunning for girls at Welton. Not for the greater good. Not to create equality in school, in the workplace. To carry on a _legacy_. To help his seventeen-year-old daughter meet the most eligible boys in the area, and to preserve his reputation. He didn't care about Audrey's dreams. In his eyes, Audrey would never amount to more than a housewife. Because that was the way things were.

Audrey wasn't stupid. Nobody had ever asked her how _she_ felt about the arrangement.

She felt enraged.

Tradition. Honor. Discipline. Excellence. Even when she had attended the all-female St. Mary's, those words had been drilled into her brain.

Which was why Audrey sat now, in the backseat of her father's car, in a starched white blouse and itchy sweater, and wished she were anywhere else in the world.

The heavy bell in the church spire chimed ten as they drove into the parking lot of Welton Academy. Even Audrey had to admit that the sight was breathtaking. The buildings themselves looked Victorian and grand, adding to the general spectacle created by the quaint surrounding cottages and watercolor trees reflected in the glassy lake.

The worst part was that she could see herself here- lost in thought, drifting among the trees. She knew she should be grateful. The Welton tuition fee was more money than she could imagine spending at once. Audrey only wished that the circumstances were different, and that she could have come here by choice.

She wanted freedom. Catholic school was definitely not the place to find it. But what was the alternative?

She was a girl in a world built for men. She might never amount to anything else- despite the education, despite every moment of her privileged childhood.

A slight breeze ruffled Audrey's new skirt as her father led her down the stairs into the chapel. It was all so melodramatic. All the boys and their parents had turned to look at her, as though they'd never seen a girl before.

She did not blink. She did not breathe. She stared straight ahead.

 _I am making a difference_ , Audrey thought. _It's 1960. I am changing the world._ Then, _I shouldn't be here_.

The music of bagpipes swelled. It was a traditional melody, one that Audrey recognized. Her father ushered her into a seat in the back of the chapel right before the piper descended into the room. They sat in silence while four boys carried the school banners down the stairs. It felt like traveling back into the past. Maybe it was 1960 outside, but time moved differently at Welton. Audrey was the outsider, and she knew it.

The headmaster began to speak. Audrey knew Mr. Nolan from the lavish dinner parties her father threw every once in a while. He looked and acted like a snake; slimy in both appearance and personality. Audrey was revolted.

Mr. Nolan was talking about the prestige of the school, how it was the best preparatory academy in the United States. He went on and on about how _progressive_ and _exemplary_ they had been this year by letting girls attend. It was all pretentious bullshit. Audrey hated the way people were glancing at her. Like she was a child. A charity case, let in by the administration as an example of the school's virtues that had never actually existed. It was a double standard- all this talk about tradition, then... whatever this was.

She would find a way to do something about it.

After the utterly ridiculous ceremony, parents and students gathered in the courtyard for one final goodbye before the start of the term. Audrey's mother gripped her arm as they strode out into the morning light. Mr. Nolan was standing by the entry, so naturally Mr. Douglas brought his wife and daughter over to greet the old man.

"Hello, Gale, how is everything!" Audrey's father said in a jovial tone.

Mr. Nolan smiled an oily smile in return.

"I'm doing just fine, thank you, Bill," he replied. "Who is this lovely young lady?"

Audrey was already fed up with this- the politeness, the different personas everyone put on in public to seem different than they were. Mr. Nolan had met Audrey dozens of times. It was exasperating.

"I'm Audrey, sir," she said, forcing a smile. Polite chatter was a necessary evil when you were a girl. If she wanted to get anywhere, she would have to learn to keep up appearances no matter how much she despised it.

"Ah, yes... Audrey," he said, drawing her name out. "I suppose you've already met the other girl who you'll be staying with?"

This caught Audrey by surprise. "No- no, sir," she said, cursing herself internally for her lapse in poise. "I mean- I thought I was the only one."

"Oh, no," said the headmaster, the same condescending expression still on his face. "There's another girl. Your roommate, actually. The daughter of George Reyes. Transferred last-minute. As you can imagine, we are very excited to have not one, but two female students in our senior class this year."

"Thank you," said Audrey, not quite knowing how to respond to that.

"Oh, you're very welcome, Miss Douglas. I'm sure that you will make this school proud with your academic achievement this year. St. Mary's has said great things about your skills." Audrey bowed her head in acknowledgement, but didn't reply.

"Mr. Nolan, where will she be staying?" said Mrs. Douglas, fussing with her daughter's hair. "When you say that Audrey will be rooming with this Reyes girl... You don't mean to say that the dorms will be coeducational as well, do you?"

"Oh, no," said the headmaster, with a small, patronizing laugh. "You'll find the old gardeners' quarters to be quite a suitable arrangement for the two of them. The cottage is back near the lake."

"Ah, I know just the place!" said Mr. Douglas, always eager to remember his boyhood at Welton. "I'll escort Audrey there. Thank you again, Gale."

"Have a blessed afternoon," Mrs. Douglas added, smiling at the headmaster before following her husband and daughter down the steps and into the courtyard.

Audrey tried not to look at any of the boys who seemed to be examining her, stopping in their tracks to stare at her and whisper to their friends. Several kids standing together were snickering; one of them wolf-whistled. It was all she could do not to turn and glare at them. They seemed a few years younger than her, probably thirteen or fourteen, filled with the self-importance that only teenage boys could posess.

 _Think of the future_ , Audrey reminded herself. _This very experience could help you get into college, to do everything you've ever wanted to do. They won't matter then. They don't matter now, although they think they do. The important thing is that you get an education and don't let anyone get in your way. You are better than any of them._

Several minutes passed before the Douglas family reached the cottage on the edge of the school grounds. A bit inconvenient to get to class, Audrey thought, but the extra privacy would be worth the walk. The exterior was white, with a green door and shutters. The roof was shingled in wood. A beautiful, old-fashioned New England cottage, yet barely larger than a garden shed. Audrey was impressed by the house- she hadn't been expecting something this clean and well-preserved. It didn't match the antique grandeur of the school, but it was certainly serviceable.

"Well, this is it," Mr. Douglas gruffly said. He seemed guilty, almost, after seeing how all the boys had reacted to his daughter's appearance.

"Thank you," Audrey responded, somewhat coldly.

"Remember to call us if you need anything," said Mrs. Douglas. "We're just across town."

Of course Audrey knew that. All she could do was give her mother a hug before stepping inside her new home.

The walls were clean and bare. Two iron-framed beds stood against opposite walls, and two rough wooden desks with rough wooden chairs. Quite like the interior of the dormitories at St. Mary's. That is, except for the other girl already unloading her luggage onto the bed on the right side of the room. The girl turned, and her soft blonde hair bounced over her shoulders. Her eyes were wide and green. She smiled at Audrey, whose heart seemed to jolt at the sight.

_Damn._

"Hello, I'm Catherine Reyes," said the blonde.

"It's good to meet you," Audrey replied. "I'm Audrey Douglas."

"Are you a senior?" Catherine asked. "I am. I went to Henley Hall before I transferred. My father went here."

"Oh, mine did too! I was at St. Mary's... it's in Massachusetts, my dad didn't want to send me to Henley Hall for some reason. Yes, I am a senior."

"That's great! We'll be in class together, then. I'm glad. The boys were starting to scare me, which is why I didn't go to the ceremony this morning."

Audrey smiled, then turned to her unpacking. She didn't know how to respond. This girl was beautiful. She seemed kind, too, and Audrey's stomach was fluttery around her. Nobody could ever know.

Girls weren't supposed to want to kiss girls. Not that Audrey wanted to kiss Catherine- they had known each other only a minute.

But she'd felt this way before. She knew it wasn't natural.

As a woman in this society, it would be hard enough to make a difference in the world. Men would infantilize her; they already did. Audrey knew the harsh reality of the situation.

This liking-other-girls thing, however. That was the final nail in the coffin.

If she were to attend college and get a job, she would be fired if anyone learned. She could be kicked out, ridiculed. Worse. Homosexuals were treated like Communists; the girl couldn't imagine, didn't want to imagine what that might entail.

Every night since she was twelve, Audrey had prayed to a god she didn't quite believe in for these feelings to disappear.

As of yet, they hadn't.

Once she finished unpacking, Audrey said goodbye to Catherine and strode down to the campus lake. It was midafternoon. None of the students had any obligations until supper. Yet the grounds were surprisingly quiet- Audrey guessed that most students were just beginning to unpack. They had all attended the luncheon held in the parking lot, which Audrey had skipped in favor of returning to her room.

The lake was as smooth and flat as glass, reflecting the colors of the season back at her. A short dock jutted out into the water. After Audrey lay flat on her back and watched a flock of geese fly overhead. All the events of the past two hours hit her at once. As though a wave of exhaustion had overtaken her, Audrey drew a deep breath and closed her eyes.

She was awoken by a boy's voice. A split second of disorientation.

Then: _I couldn't have been asleep. Not for more than a moment. I just... shut my eyes._ Yet the sun was beginning to sink below the trees to her right. Sitting up, Audrey cursed herself for falling asleep in a public place. _So idiotic._ She was small and wholly unprotected in a school crawling with teenage boys. _I could have been molested- I could have been killed, probably._ Audrey hated the feeling of being unsafe, of insecurity in her own skin, the harsh reality of being a woman. But she hadn't even realized she was drifting off.

She opened her eyes and saw someone standing a few feet away.

The boy had messy, dark hair and a friendly smile. He didn't _look_ like a molester. Or an axe murderer. Audrey got to her feet.

"...And here the maiden, sleeping sound, On the dank and dirty ground." His eyes were laughing. Coming from anyone else, the Shakespeare would have been pretentious. This student, however, spoke in such a genuine, friendly tone that Audrey only rolled her eyes and dusted off her skirt.

"If I had wanted to hear boys quote Shakespeare, I would have gone to the theatre," Audrey said, her former cool demeanor restored. Or so she hoped.

"Ah, but I am a man of the theatre!" he said, striking a dramatic pose. "I was Puck in A Midsummer Night's Dream. Last year. At Henley Hall. I'm Neil Perry, by the way," he added. "Mr. Nolan sent me to find you and the other girl. You're Audrey, right?"

"Yes. Audrey Douglas."

"Pleasure to meet you." Neil grinned, the sharp angles of his face prominent in the fading light.

"You as well. Should we go find Catherine?" Audrey asked, striding back down the dock.

"We should. It's almost six o'clock, we'll be eating soon. And Mr. Nolan gives demerits if you're late." He cracked another smile, then beckoned to her. "Follow me, then, to plainer ground."

Audrey rolled her eyes, grinning.

It was at that moment that she realized... perhaps she could have friends at Welton after all.

If the ceremony that morning had been torturous, the dining hall was downright hellish.

First, there was the noise. Two hundred clamoring boys, plus the entirety of the staff, in a small, ancient stone room with vaulted ceilings. Audrey's head felt as though it was being split in half. She longed for the tranquility of the lake, or the cottage on the edge of campus. Even the dining hall at St. Mary's would have been preferable.

Secondly was the matter of food. The meat looked and smelled suspicious ("Hell-ton hash," said Neil, leaning over Audrey's shoulder and smiling conspiratorially when he saw her examining it). The mashed potatoes had a certain goopy quality to them. The vegetables were cold and wilted.

Third were the other students. Neil generously offered to let the girls sit at his table. Audrey had the feeling that he'd done this before, many times. He was a natural leader. Yet the rest of the student population wasn't so mature. Almost everyone seemed to be laughing, whispering behind their hands. Quite a few scrutinized Catherine and Audrey, or tried to initiate suggestive eye contact. Catherine blushed and turned away. Audrey maintained her cold exterior.

And then there was the problem of Neil's friends.

Before the girls even sat down at the table, one was already smirking, looking Audrey dead in the face. The others looked up as well, in varying degrees of interest. They moved down the bench so that the two newest students would have room to sit.

"Everyone, this is Catherine and Audrey. You might have seen them around today... they're here now."

"Hello, ladies. I'm Nuwanda," the smirking boy said, voice dripping with confident sarcasm. Audrey couldn't yet decide how she felt about him.

"Charlie, stop," said the redhead sitting at the other end of the table. "I'm sorry. That's Charlie Dalton. I'm Richard Cameron. Pleased to make your acquaintance."

The one called Charlie, or Nuwanda, made a face at him.

"Uh... I'm Steven Meeks, and this is Gerard Pitts," said another readhead. He gestured to the boy at his left, who was fiddling with something under the table.

"Oh! I'm Knox Overstreet!" another boy exclaimed. He reached over to shake Audrey's hand with an earnest grin.

The final boy was the one sitting right next to Neil. He had a sort of softness to him, kind blue eyes and an innocent face.

"I- I'm Todd Anderson," he said, barely above a whisper.

"It's great to meet all of you!" Catherine was radiant, looking at her newfound table-mates. "Would you mind telling us about what happens around here? What are classes like?"

Audrey caught Neil shooting a look at Charlie. It was indecipherable, but seemed to be about Catherine's words.

"Oh, we just- There are sports and clubs, like any other school. It's not too different from Henley Hall, I believe," said the one called Meeks. He wore tortoiseshell glasses and spoke in an intelligent, if somewhat mechanical, way.

Audrey couldn't understand why Catherine was asking these questions, which she obviously knew the answers to if she'd attended Welton's sister school for five years.

Oh.

The boys.

Right.

She wondered if maybe she should be feigning interest as well, then decided against it. Too complicated and exhausting.

"...and that's Keating, the English teacher." Knox was talking now, gesturing up at the head table. The man he was pointing out seemed significantly younger than the other teachers. He had a childlike quality in his eyes that made Audrey like him immediately.

"He's the best teacher we've ever had." This was a surprise- not the words themselves, but the fact that they came from quiet Todd.

"He is. You'll love his class- last year it was all poetry, but I hear that this year we may be getting into some of the great novels. Still plenty of poetry, though." Neil said, beaming at Todd.

This time, a look passed between all the boys. Deep and rare and meaningful. Audrey averted her eyes, feeling awkward at this inside glance. She had no idea what it could mean, but it was obviously something private.

The bell rang, signaling the end of dinner. Mr. Nolan stood up at the high table, reminding everyone of the start of classes the following day. As if they could forget.

Everyone silently returned to their rooms.

Later, when Catherine and Audrey were alone in the cottage, they sat on the twin beds and discussed what had happened. "I liked all of them. The boys here are all so handsome.... I wasn't allowed to see boys, before." Catherine lay on her back, her honey-colored hair floating around her in waves. Her nightgown was red and black checkered. "These ones are different. I don't know why. More serious. I like a man who's serious about his future."

 _I'm serious about my future_ , Audrey almost said, then cursed herself for even thinking it. She'd known Catherine for a day. This entire ordeal had been a terrible idea.

"What about you?" Catherine was completely oblivious to her roommate's internal struggle.

"I didn't really like any of them in that way... I mean, they all seemed quite nice, but I don't... tend to form relationships that fast. Or... I don't know." It was obviously a lie, but Catherine didn't need to know that.

Catherine giggled. "That's all right. You'll find someone soon."

 _I won't,_ thought Audrey, _but I appreciate the sentiment. I could never find anyone... like me. Sick. Unnatural. A..._

She couldn't bear to even think the dreadful word.

"Anyway, that Mr. Keating seemed... not as dull as other teachers." Audrey abruptly changed the subject. "I think his class may actually be interesting, what about you?"

"Oh, I don't know. I've always liked English, but he can't be that different, can he?"

"I guess we'll find out tomorrow," was Audrey's only response.

Catherine said goodnight. After a short while, Audrey could hear her breathing become slow and deep. Yet Audrey lay awake, watching the shaft of pale moonlight filter through the room, until dawn.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked this! the next chapter will be posted within a few days. feel free to leave a comment or message me on tumblr :))


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